hotdogjuice - blog

west side

<img src="../pictures/blog004.png" width="200" height="126" class="pix" align="right" />
So I've been in LA for about 4 months now. I guess It's kind of stupid to have a blog but never update with big changes like this one. And looking at the site, it doesn't make much since for me to have a Chicago section anymore, now that I don't live there anymore. Well, at least I physically don't live there. My heart is still there.

The move was a simple one. I'm not looking to become an actor. I'm not going to "blow up" (not soon anywayz). I came to CA for the culture and weather. That and ever since I was small I dreamed of going west. I think all Americans do. It's something that draws us this way.

So here I am. Enjoying the good life. There's sun every day. It's November and I wore a t shirt all day long. I am amazed this happens. Growing up in the Midwest it's hard to understand that it's always warm and sunny. People can tell you it's like that all the time. But until you live it... There's no way of knowing the beauty of how much this type of weather can change things.

What else? Hmmm... Oh, beaches! I used to get mad at my sister for calling me while at the beach when she went to school in Florida. Now I too can just matter of factly say, "yeah... I'm at the beach." I find it hard to casually say that still when someone from good ole Chicago calls.

This about wraps up this post. CA is great. Life is great. Stay up interwebs!

a birthday downy

As I sit on a stool at Schuba's I look at my crush shaking her hips to the song. She's standing in front of her boyfriend who smiles at her excitement to the music. I look on envious, wondering how that feels... To be the guy looking in to her eyes, enjoying her mood and their moment. I am completely envious. Not only minutes before I was speaking the joys of a single life. These joys are completely over exaggerated only to cover for my inability to, for lack of a better phrase, make a girl mine.

It's not just a crush but any girl I find attractive I feel helpless towards. Maybe it's a lack of confidence or a flaw in my personality. But every night I go home "empty handed". I'm not even looking to get laid. I'm just hoping for a sign of interest. A phone number, a Facebook friend. I feel like a whiny bitch and maybe I am but it's depressing.

I guess I should reevaluate things to be with someone I really like. Being myself and not holding back is what I thought I should be doing. Should I make a change? I don't want to but I think it is something to consider.

love & happiness

Two Al Green songs in one night in Wicker Park can not be a coincendence. I'm sitting at The Flat Iron Grill alone feeling good. I just got paid. I got a Stella draft. Life feels good if only for tonight.

broked

So I think I hate my newly designed website. It took me so long to make it, I started to hate it while I was finishing. It makes me sad because I know I need to let it go and start over. This is only the second site I've ever completed completely so it's not that big of a deal I guess. I think before I kill this design I think I should fill some of the sections out with some stuff. To start that off I think I have to actually do some work.

I think I'll start on the Chicago section first. I've had this idea for a Chicago site for a while now and that section was going to house the idea until I expanded it to a separate entity. I mean I like discovering new, cool bars so much, why not make it into a site?

So in local news, for the past week and half I have had only $1.47 in my bank account. I haven't checked it for a few days so something could have tried to auto withdraw and overdrafted me. I think I'll just not check it until I get paid Friday. It won't make a difference anywayz... I'll just end up making myself sad by knowing I have even less money. So yeah... I've been surviving on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and onigiri (rice balls). I was already doing this before I went broke... I just hate going to the grocery store. Everything I want costs so much. It just ends up being frustrating. That and everything that makes me fat distracts me from what I really need to buy. I just think it's better to go when I'm desperate with no money. It makes things less painful. I don't know how the hell my parents took me and my brothers and sisters to the grocery store now to think of it. That must have been nuts!

F*ck yes!

<img src="../pictures/blog002.png" width="116" height="70" class="pix" align="right" />So I was surfing digg.com yesterday and came across an article that completely answered my number one question about the Olympic games. Are the athletes fucking each other? And holy moly, the answer is more than I asked for. And the guy behind the article isn't just some journalist. He's actually a former Olympian, now commentator. Seriously, if you watched the Olympics and didn't get turned on at some point you are one, not a man and two, dumb. Check out the article.

update (12.11.08): I just noticed the two reasons why I thought someone wouldn't be turned on by an Olympian and I just wanted to correct myself. So if you weren't turned on by an Olympian you are one, probably not human... Probably some type of cyborg. And two you are dumb. That one needs no correction.

Chicago dawns

<img src="../pictures/blog001.png" width="200" height="303" class="pix" align="right" />I haven't written here in a long time. But I don't feel like playing catch up, so I'm gonna talk about something else. And this is the first post I've made since the redesign of hotdogjuice, so I guess it's somewhat special. Lets just get on with it...

So recently I've been coming home late/early from friend's houses. Right now I work in the bar industry where there are a lot of late nights/early mornings where people are restless and still wanna have a good time. After most people have been out and are already at home puking we stay up to get our fill of the "night". We do what party people do and then between 3 - 5 am people start to get tired. I'm not one to just pass out where ever so I'm going home. I wanna wake up with my computer across the room and the food I bought at the grocery store in my kitchen. Of course we have to be partying at someone's house across town from my house too.

Living in Chicago makes it easy to get around with the CTA (Chicago Transit Authority) and there is always a 24-hour-a-day way of getting back to my house so I just go. Buses and trains are the way to go. Some people only take cabs at this time of day, but not me. I guess trains and buses and the walk to and from could be potentially be dangerous for a woman. Taking a taxi is a logical decision for a girl I suppose. Anywayz, I'm getting away from the subject of this post. What I'm getting to hear is, the mornings in Chicago are great. Every single day, I see or do something I have never done before. And I guess, for me, what makes the mornings something especially special for me is the lighting.

The day is just beginning. The sun hasn't come up but its luminance is coming around the curves of the Earth. There's something magical about this time of day. At least for me. One morning, drunkenly, I started talking to raging lunatic of a bum. She was screaming about some girl named Carmen and how I had no business treating her "like that". All of it was completely ridiculous but I just went with it. Hell... I could listen to it or I could just join in with her. Either way my bus came and I got on. As I cruised home I probably put some music on and gave the scenery a soundtrack. A balding, white guy flicks the driver off as he narrowly misses the bus. Illuminated ads at the bus stops give me literature for the ride. The morning light hits the buildings just right. Not too much glare. Just enough to give the glass the right blueish tint. Everything is so silent.

Arriving at my stop for a half-block walk to my door I usually take a deep breath. While buses are an excellent way to travel they usually don't smell that great. But the real reason I do it is because I love when the Chicago dawn's air hits my lungs. It's probably 6 am.

MoBot

I recently just got a new job. I never thought I'd be working in a coffee shop, but it happened. I've dicovered that I don't hate working with people as much as I thought.

I have realized something over the last few months in search for a job. I don't really end up liking a job until I've stopped working it.

The job I had previous to washing dishes, the first job I had in Chicago after coming back, was at the Missouri Botanical Gardens in St. Louis. I mowed grass there... I was a part of the Turf Crew. From when I started until about September I worked with Todd and David. Two guys in there 30s who had been doing work like this most of there lives. Both had gone to college, but neither graduated. I think they learned long ago, that the outdoors and the type of work can give you a certain freedom.

When you mow grass, someone might be watching you, but not all the time, and usually not often. Besides that, no one can ultimately control and/or monitor your every move. It's just not pratical and for that matter,possible (unless they are tied to your waste or riding on your back).

So, Todd and David learned the rules. They learned to deal with the politics and the hierarchy of things. Me being new, I didn't completely understand or care to put up with it. I guess that's ultimately why I quit. But I really liked working outdoors. After work, you really felt like you accomplished something. That you did something important. And I liked that. And I think Todd and David knew that when they made their career choices. That and learning to let go of their hang ups of having a boss telling you what to do.

Waking up early in the morning may be a bitch, but sometimes you understand why you get up for the grind. Other than the money, there are days where you understand why you do it. Why you sweat and tire yourself all day. There's a certain appreciation and renewal you get from yourself.

Also, working somewhere so beautiful is worth it. There were times where the gardeners would take you aside, and show you the best spots to stand and admire nature... It was like nothing I felt in my life. In the fall, the way the light hits the leaves at 7 AM... It makes you feel... It makes you feel good.

Sometimes I wish I could go back. But the way I quit, I don't think they'd let me. I think they'd laugh and slam the door in my face. I wouldn't be mad at them for doing it either. I did quit giving them 6 hours; the end of the day. And that night I drove to Chicago, where I am now.

I have endless stories of stuff that happpened there and stories of beauty you could only see to believe. But... They will have to stay just memories. I'll never live that life again. Every once in a while I remember how much I hated working there when I did. But maybe one day I'll return to working in a botanical garden. But nothing like the time I had that summer and not anytime soon.

Tragic Kingdom

Last night I was feeling nostalgic. I wanted to feel at "home" again. There wasn't one album or even a definitive song I could think of that would send me back there either. I tried so hard to think of something, anything. Nothing came to me. I even tried to arrange my songs in the order they were first created/downloaded. Still nothing. I wonder if I have came so far from my roots in music, there is no way back "home".

I guess what I mean is that I've listen to so much music, there is no specific song that can take me back. No one song sticks out. Now that I'm writing about this, I can think of a few a guess, but randomly thinking about this there's no one song that instantly pops into my head. I guess what I'm trying to get at here is that I don't think I've thought of who I am enough.

I bet no one thought I was going there. But I feel I should have a song. A song to send me back to the house of my childhood and make me feel like I'm back in middle school. I don't know if it's true but I feel everyone has a somewhat clear idea of who they are. As music being a big part of our lives, I feel like there's one song that could sum this up or at least your childhood. Some genre, album, or song that could explain you. Whether the lyrics or melody really explain anything who you are is irrelevant. It's what the individual who defines this for themselves. Maybe I'm just talking out of my ass.

Whether or not I should or should not have a self identifying song/album/genre of music is not really the point of all of this. What I'm really trying to get at after thinking about this is I want to think that I have a goal in life. That I've had a grasp on who I am for at least a majority of my life. The sad reality is, I don't think I have.

ketchup

The last time I wrote here was almost four months ago. I know it�s a big clich� but time flies. And I don�t wanna say a lot has happened because it�s expected, but a lot has happened. Most people who know me, know that I am a lazy guy. But I guess you could say these have been exciting months. I feel like this introduction paragraph should be longer, but let�s just get to it.

To start things off, I met someone and she�s amazing. Sounds cheesy but it�s true. She makes me feel so good. We have so much fun together. I don�t wanna say this relationship �trumps� all others, but it�s only natural it does. Throughout life I feel you gradually learn your taste in girls, what types of personalities you work well with, and how far you are willing to compromise on things. Trust me, there are compromises to be made with everyone. If you don�t compromise, something�s wrong. Shit can�t be perfect. But back to where I was going� If you are lucky enough, your relationships get better with time. Each person is a building block in that crazy pyramid of love (someone should hit me for that). I truly feel I have hit a great, big sweet-spot in life with this girl. I enjoy her company so much.

Um� What else� Oh yeah, my car was stolen. Yeah. Again with the clich�s, but it�s true what people say. You don�t expect things like this happen to you, until they do. At first when I went outside to get in my car to go to work, I thought it was just towed and I�d get it when I got out of work. But as time went by I thought to myself. �I didn�t park in a tow zone.� In fact, there was a red truck parked right where I fucking was! So after calling the police and having them check all the databases, nothing. It was stolen.

Long story short, the police �recovered� it about four days later� I should be honest though. They called me to say they saw it in an empty lot and I should go get it before the thieves come back. Thanks CPD. Seeing my car after I thought it was gone forever made me slightly happy, but after sitting in it and seeing the damage and what they took� pissed. My shit was violated. Not in the sense they took a shit in the back seat or anything, but someone fucking stole my car (technically they moved my car, took my new wheels, and two DVDs). It�s as if someone came in your room, tried on all of your clothes, throwing what they didn�t like on the floor, and making off with the stuff they did.

But enough bitching. On to one of my favorite subjects. No not porn. Shitty jobs. I have to say it�s a love-hate relationship. There are things about them I love and even more I hate. I guess that�s why I�ve never had a job for more than six months. Anywayz, the people you meet while working at the bottom is a thing of beauty. You aren�t an authority. You have no threats. So everyone wants to be your friend. I�ve come to know so many people with such different personalities in the last eleven months; it makes me want to write a book. But while the people are great, you are easily replaceable and need to be on your toes. At least some of the time. My last crappy job was as a dishwasher at <a href="http://www.statechicago.com" target="_blank">State Restaurant & Cafe</a>. I loved everyone there, from the fellow dishwashers to the owner, it was just the job that ultimately resulted in me quitting. Now I don�t mind mindless work once in a while, but washing dishes is horrible. By far the worse job I�ve ever had.

I could talk all day about the things that have happened to me in the past four months, but I�ll stop here. I don�t like using full entries to just catch up, but to some extent it�s needed. These months have been kinda odd. Fun and odd. I have really seen the �real� world I feel. I wouldn�t wanna have to do this for much longer. I�m glad I�m young and still have time�

Jay Z has the right idea

I often find myself having long inner monologues as if I were in a Woody Allen film. There are pretty girls every where here and I can�t stop thinking about each one in length to every �what if� that could possibly take place. It�s very unhealthy. At least I think so. I mean, I think everyone over analyzes things.

I do talk to some of these girls, don�t get me wrong. I�m not the creepy guy at parties in the corner never talking and only staring. I think I have pretty good game. At least it seems like they dig me. I guess the reason I bring this all up is because I feel like all of a sudden I�m less attractive. Or every girl instantly puts me in the Friend Zone as soon as I open my mouth. As if it was some big joke on Jason� As if all the women of Chicago got together and decided never to extend a relationship with me past friendship.

The best thing I had going for me in the women department in the past few months I left in St. Louis. Sometimes I�m so frustrated with my luck or maybe it�s bad game, that I talk myself into going back home. Not only for this girl, but she definitely plays a large role in my decision process. Which is ironic because she played a major role in my choice to move back to Chi. I guess that�s not really ironic at all.

You can call me a whiner and impatient or maybe even too forward in my pursuit, but at this point in my life I�d like to have someone to share my time with. I�m not in school like most people. I just don�t know what I want to do with my life. I just need someone to fill my intimate voids. The feeling of someone liking you as much as you like them is unbelievable. I want that again.

And then again, I could just drown myself in a bottle of Jack.

Gaper's Block, I thank you

A few days ago I again started looking at my Chicago links I had accumlated over the years and stumbled across a rather helpful article on <a href="http://www.gapersblock.com" target="_blank">Gaper's Block</a> (a web publication for Chicago). It busts some myths and supports some long time followed mysteries of me and my friends about how to drink longer and get rid of a hangovers faster. It's a must read for any college student or person who's thinking about getting really smashed on New Years, but wants to last til 3 and not just midnight. Link below.

<a href="http://www.gapersblock.com/detour/hangover_helper/" target="_blank">Hangover Helper</a>

waddle on

I don�t think I�ve always operated this way. This recent decision I think is one of the first big impulse decisions I�ve made in a long time. But stepping back and looking at things, I wonder if I�ve been making impulse decisions for longer than I really understand.

Just recently, about two weeks ago, I quit my job in St. Louis and moved back to Chicago. Well, I didn�t really move back but just took my clothes and my computer and left. My family wasn�t too happy about this decision. Let me just say they were more upset and worried than anything. But I gotta do what I gotta do. I should have given my job two weeks notice before I quit, but I didn�t want to do that. I never plan on working there again, and for burning bridges. I can rebuild my reputation if that�s what it takes. I needed to take a leap. I didn�t want to ease my way out of St. Louis. I just wanted to go with the wind at my back and a smile on my face.

I have to say, it feels good. I�m kinda broke but it feels good. I did exactly what I wanted to do. Now, this wasn�t the smartest choice, but� whatever. I�ve made a lot of dumb choices in my life and I plan on making a lot more. They are a hellofa lot more fun to make then safe choices. Fuck safe. And this isn�t all about just doing what I wanna do either. I�ll be the first to admit that I messed up. This is more about taking chances and living crazy. Plus I don�t mind being a fuck up.

So yeah� I don�t know if I really care if most of my decisions are impulsive. I think I like it this way. It makes life interesting. I think there will come a time where being so impulsive and stupid won�t be so convenient anymore though. Hopefully I�ll see it coming.

out

Today I quit my job. Last night I decided I was going to. Right now I'm on my way to Chicago where I'll pick up where I left off... hopefully.

the new beginning

I spent most of my childhood dreaming of what I wanted when I got older. I hardly ever enjoyed what I had at the time. As a piece of what I thought I wanted would come together, my initial happiness was only met with wanting something "better". Being older now, I've tried to think less of what I want to make me happy and more of what I want to do. But still, I haven't had much success in fulfilling that. I am only 21... Maybe I worry too much about the future. Actually I know I worry too much about the future.

I've had so many friends at so many schools. All of it has come and gone. I won't be too upset if I were to walk away from the rest of it really. I really don't want to wish for anything that I can't have anymore. Too often I wish I could restart my life from a past point. That shit is depressing to think about. To actually think you would do things different if you were given another chance is stupid. I respect people who can live now. I've never really felt that way. It needs to change.

A few nights ago I went to a party that I couldn't enter. I wasn't a student of the school it was hosted by... So I had to leave. As I walked to my car I saw a shooting star. It's the first one I've seen since I was about 10. I knew I had one wish. I wished that things would soon turn around in my life. Driving home I realized wishes like that don't come true without some effort on the wishers part.

So I will start the beginning of my new future today. A future for living for now and a better tomorrow.

dumb

American's have no concept of natural disasters. We lost a little over a thousand people in the recent hurricane that devasted New Orleans.

An earthquake in Pakistan recently killed over 20,000 people! And a mudslide in South America took out whole towns killing about 1,400 people. Now, a diaster is a diaster. It's really impossible to compare one to the other seeing as when people die, it's a bad thing no matter how many people die.

But really people. Let's all wise up here. Yes it's sad when Americans die. But shouldn't it be just as sad when people across the globe die?

Oh shit. I forgot... Those aren't OUR people. They aren't Americans. How could I forget that. Maybe it's the red, white, and blue bullshit stuck in my ears and eyes that makes me not care.

redesign

So I have yet again redesigned my blog. I think I like it. At least for now I like it. Any feedback is welcomed.

So I think I'm gonna bring an actual theme to all of this. I need to regularly write and it would be easy if I had a specific reason to write. So... yeah.

help

I need some help. My blog is pretty boring. I need to add something. Anyone have any suggestions?

Maybe more entries would help!

(Please leave me comments)

the frienship test

None of my friends really call me unless they have something really important or stupid to tell me. So this is a test to all of them. This past school year I decided I wanted to take a full school year off. Now after taking about half a year/quarter of semester off, I am thinking about going back this spring. Seriously. I've looked at apartments already.

Now if this doesn't generate some damn calls, I don't know what will.

Gregg and Duane Allman

Recently the Allman Brothers Band has fascinated me. I haven't listened to many jam bands but just from listening to them, I'll make a blind judgment and say they are the best jam band of all time.

The combination of their type of music and sans dull moments gives me a feeling I don't often get when listening to music. Only a few times have I found music which I can never get bored of. I think I've played some part of the Live at the Filmore East album almost every time I've been on my computer.

Ever since September of 2004 I have been on a quest to enlighten myself with new music. I am constantly looking for interesting and different music. And after a full year of being on this quest, I can say I do in fact feel, enlightened.

The "search and find" for good and entertaining music sometimes comes easy and sometimes comes hard. The easier times are usually pop and techno. It's the element of instant gratification. Catchy lyrics and beats. The music that is hard to find is the stuff that lasts. The stuff that grabs you and pulls your emotions. Why is it hard to find? There's a lot of reasons... Most defined by the individual.

I remember grabbing the Allman Brothers Band from a friend and letting it sit on my computer for two whole semesters. Stupid me. Last September I was listening to Linkin Park. A year later, the Allman Brothers. Now that's a musical journey.

evolve this

The other day I was reading US News or Newsweek, they're basically the same, and came across an article about creationism and evolvtion. So apparently some people think that creationism should be taught in schools. What are these people thinking?! The last time these people stepped out of there houses must have been in the colonial days.

Has everyone forgot about separation of church and state? Creationism, is religion. Evolvtion, is science. Science is taught in shools. Religion is not taught, because it is law. Law made at the founding of this country. What is the big need all of a sudden to change everything?

I also heard people are trying to stop certain playground games from being played saying they are doing damage our children's future self esteems. They believe tag makes kids seek out the more weak or whatever. Ban tag?! This is why people laugh at America.