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Friday, July 29, 2005, 12:09

how do you spell pout?

I was reading my friend Jeremy's blog today and become jealous. Well, I have been jealous for some time now... He has been in Europe for the past month and maybe a half travelling. Every once in a while he'll post new things that have happened or whatever. Every time I read his entries, I think, what am I doing with my life? I mean, I know what I am doing, and I know that I will reap the rewards, or at least I hope so, but damn. I wish I had money now. Not a care in the world. Oh the thought. I would travel. I would have fun.

I plan on travelling one day, but after I get some money. It will all work out but to read about all the crazy fun that someone else is having is torture. I want to roam the world. I want to meet interesting and wild people. I want to get insanely messed up in the streets of some beautiful far away town or city. It drives me crazy sometimes to be stuck here in St. Louis. Sitting behind my computer only dreaming.

[ 4 comments ]

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Monday, July 25, 2005, 22:55

big town hip jive

So this weekend I am planning on going to Chicago. All my buds are coming back in to the city. Ya know, I finally found friends that I really like and can be myself around, and I leaving them. But I can't have regret. I am taking time off for myself. I am not abandoning anything. I am doing what I think right now is best for me. I do love all of my friends, but I have to do this for me. They think that I am ditching them... My Dad told me a long time ago you have to be selfish in life.

You only have one life to live. You can't do things because someone else would like your decision more. Do what you want to do. If I ended up doing things that people wanted me to do against my instincts, I would regret things.

[ 3 comments ]

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Wednesday, July 13, 2005, 09:46

machines and puddles

Started my new job yesterday at the botanical gardens. I think I'll enjoy it for the most part. Seems like it will be hard work but that's alright. I'm used to hard work having played football. And mowing grass all day used to be my thing back when I had a neighborhood lawn care business. There's something about it that's fun. You just get lost in your own thoughts when you do it. There's concentration involved but not enough to make it the only thing you can think about.

This past weekend I made a trip to Chicago to visit my Chi friends. I had a good time. Alcohol, sleep, downtown, drive to the burbs, alcohol, drive back to town, sleep. Good time. Oh... and apparently when I get really drunk I pee where ever I want. Sorry bout that Keely and Una.

edit:
away message from Keely-
...Trying to "enjoy being young, broke, and not knowing where my life is going."
**On a side note, the person that gave me that advice did PISS all over my Le Sport Sac backpack.

[ 4 comments ]

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Tuesday, July 05, 2005, 04:41

beer and Emily

Tonight, my boy Jeff and I were sitting outside, drinking a few beers, and talking. I think we talked about almost everything that we could think of. Some of the things said weren't even acknowledged by the other and responded to by another topic. It didn't matter. We were having a good time putting all of our thoughts out there. They didn't need to be analyzed or elaborated on.

We did hit a chord for a while though. Ever since I have made my decision to take a year off of school, I have more easily been able to justify the reason I will never regret taking this time off. And I'm pretty sure Jeff agrees with me. That, you only live once. Once you're dead, you’re dead. College will always be there. The idea that you could fall behind in school or any of your fellow students is a dumb comment. And you only live once. (I know.)

Jeff said it best, that there is no future. There is only now. And I have to say that I completely agree with him. While I believe thinking about the future is important in some aspects, for the most part it is a time consuming activity that shows no merit. It's almost useless to worry or think about the future at such a young age. At least for me. I don’t want to be the president or own a bank. Kids? I don’t know! I just want to be happy. This is supposed to be the craziest and free time of my life, and I'm spending it studying, worrying about grades, and going to class at ridiculous early hours. That shit drives me fucking nuts. So I'm not gonna do it. I'm gonna live my life to the fullest while I still can. I’m gonna have an adventure or two while I still can.

Along the same road of conversation but somewhere winding around bends and curves, Jeff tried to throw me for a loop, by asking, what I thought the meaning of life is. Having taken a philosophy class, I already had to answer this question once and I will answer it the same way I did then. The meaning of life, I think, is to be happy, to love, and to be loved.

In saying this, my good friend Danny once said, and I'm paraphrasing, if it were a perfect world, all they would teach in school was how to get food.

[ 109 comments ]

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Monday, July 04, 2005, 04:44

bloggin'

Early this morning and practically all day I have been working on the design for this very blog. I have had a blogspot blog for a long time and have always been ashamed of myself for not taking the time to actually design my own blog but just using a template. So in a rage of shame and energy I started this design.

I have to say I really like how it came out. A lot of trial and error went in to making this the way I wanted it. I hope all who visit enjoy my work. If you wanna visit my old blog at blogspot, it's here. But I updated this blog with all the entries I put on there, so it's all the same.

[ 3 comments ]

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Sunday, June 26, 2005, 16:21

smash and bang

I just saw an amazing movie. For the past few months, racial conversations have been more and more of a topic for my friends and me. I personally enjoy these conversations because I think it is way fucking overdue that this country show equal rights to all human beings. So by having these conversations, I try to educate people and spread the love of equality. A few times I have been met with people who continue to perpetuate stereotypes and don't want to look past what they just see and hear...*

Not to say Crash is an unbelievable movie, but it definitely deserves respect. The effort, talent, and writing that went into the film make it a must see, I say. But if you don't see it, it's not the end of the world. Just like if you haven't seen Garden State, Sideways, or the Color Purple, I'm sure you will still be a good person despite not seeing these films. In saying this, I feel you should still go see the film if you can. I strongly suggest it. Not that the film will make you a better person, but seeing good movies is good for everyone.

*I find a lot of time here, I end paragraphs or entries with no answer to an initial question or a conclusion. And a lot of times, I really don't want to. A lot of time, I want the answer to be the readers or let the reader draw conclusion to my thoughts. Sometimes I just don't feel I need to answer or conclude things.

[ 3 comments ]

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Wednesday, June 22, 2005, 15:23

yeah... YEAH!

So, I've been home now for about... hmmm... three weeks I guess, and it's not all that bad. Yes there isn't a beautiful public transportation system to take me home after those long, fun nights and yes, I have to abide by my parents rules, and yes, I can't do whatever I want whenever I want. But it's ok... I think.

I mean, I don't regret leaving Chicago. I know that taking a year off from school is going to be good for me. I know that I need to do this for myself to really refocus myself in my interests. Whether it be graphic design, photography, 3D animation, or whatever. I wanna make sure I am doing what I really want to do and not just go through the motions. So hopefully I will do some traveling and take some pictures, a lot of pictures, and figure things out.

Most people think I'm dumb for doing this. People think it's logical. You go to school and don't pay bills. There's no parents, no authority, and nothing really to worry about other than school work. You go home you have stuff to pay for, a job, errands to run, and all kinds of shit. I agree that one out weighs the other. But the one that I am temporarily siding with is the one where there's no school involved.

Everyone hates school, but people do their work. I hate school... and don't do shit. So it's pretty much a waste of my money if I go and don't do any work. So... yeah.

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