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Saturday, April 11, 2009, 05:28

a birthday downy

As I sit on a stool at Schuba's I look at my crush shaking her hips to the song. She's standing in front of her boyfriend who smiles at her excitement to the music. I look on envious, wondering how that feels... To be the guy looking in to her eyes, enjoying her mood and their moment. I am completely envious. Not only minutes before I was speaking the joys of a single life. These joys are completely over exaggerated only to cover for my inability to, for lack of a better phrase, make a girl mine.

It's not just a crush but any girl I find attractive I feel helpless towards. Maybe it's a lack of confidence or a flaw in my personality. But every night I go home "empty handed". I'm not even looking to get laid. I'm just hoping for a sign of interest. A phone number, a Facebook friend. I feel like a whiny bitch and maybe I am but it's depressing.

I guess I should reevaluate things to be with someone I really like. Being myself and not holding back is what I thought I should be doing. Should I make a change? I don't want to but I think it is something to consider.

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